Wal-Mart aka the giant rat maze (it's not actually called that I just made it up) is packed with holiday shoppers. Yet somehow with the increase in people they still only have 3 lanes open. I"ll stand there flipping through People magazine, catching up on the royal couple, while the woman in front of me takes advantage of the stocking stuffer specials and sends a hoard of miniature gifts down the conveyor belt. Fine with me. I'll just wait 15 minutes to buy shampoo and a mirror because you don't have the express lane open.
I'm not really mad. It happens every time. I've just come to accept that a "quick trip" to Wal-Mart is approximately 45 minutes. I'm prepared for the wait, my inability to find anything in an organized manner, and the employees that take me on a tour of the store before they find what I'm looking for. I think it's in their training to help a customer find an item by taking them the longest, most product filled route possible. On the other hand, I don't think Wal-Mart is ever prepared for me in all my glory.
My trip today was for exactly 3 things: shampoo, conditioner, and cookie cutters. I left with: shampoo, conditioner, cookie cutters, a curtain rod, curtain clips, peppermint marshmallows, and a giant ass mirror.
The curtain kit is for hanging the curtains my mother-in-law gave me. However, I failed to realize that the curtains came in 2 panels and each panel requires 7 clips. I only bought one. So I hung, half a curtain. Yep. Doesn't it look nice?
The mirror was an impulse buy. I should never, ever give in to my impulse buys. The mirrors are actually really nice looking and somewhat cheap. A really big mirror was $40.00. The one I liked was in the front, yay me, but it had a crack in it. Boo. So I found another one 10 little mirrors back. Awesome, I can do this. I put down my curtain kit, of course I didn't have a cart. That would make sense. I started lifting the mirror out from behind the other mirrors. Without bumping the hanging mirrors above me, success! Oh shit, it's stuck. Come to find out the entire bottom part of the mirror is broken off. The corner is stuck to the mirror behind it, which also caused it to tumble forward. Effectively sandwiching the broken mirror in my hands to all the other mirrors. I'm standing in Wal-Mart with a broken mirror the size of an albatross and am on the verge of the worst bad luck in history if they all go tumbling down.
Lucky for me an older couple spots my struggle and flags down 15 managers. Ah, I see the secret of Wal-Mart's failure. Everyone is a manager. As the couple doesn't attempt to help me. The mirror finally rips free and I fly backward holding a giant piece of glass with three wooden sides. SMASH! A lovely mirror falls face first on the tile floor and shatters. Shit, that's seven years of bad luck.
Three managers whip around the corner. The broken mirror is taken from me. The smashed mirror is swept out of sight and I get 10 different employees asking me if I'm OK. "I am so, so sorry I broke your mirror...yes, I'm fine. No, really, I'm fine.... No.... I'm not cut. Do I look like I'm bleeding?... I just wanted that mirror but the bottom came off... Yes, it was behind the other ones. No that one has a crack in it. Yes, that one. Oh, look it's all together. Pretty. Can I have that one? What do you mean it's a special price. It says forty dollars... Oh, it's twenty-five. Just for me? But, I broke your mirror. No, I'm fine. Yes I'd love to buy it for twenty-five. No, I don't have a cart. I'll go get one."
And that is the Adam Sandler way of getting a mirror on sale.
Love,
Grace
