"Can't Spare a Square"

Okay guys, I am seriously behind on my book reviews. I have 2, count them 1, 2, books that I finished reading since Sunday and I have 1 more almost done. I'm a reading machine. I'll probably do a double "issue" for the next post. Watch out for that.

On to the real discussion, why public bathrooms are (a necessary) evil. Whoever set the standards for public bathrooms- set them too high. Then they forgot to train ALL EMPLOYEES, EVERYWHERE.

There are a few key things women have come to expect from their stalls of relief.

1.) A lockable door. There is nothing worse than trying to hover over a toilet while holding a door shut and aiming. God forbid someone tries the door.

2.) A hook for the purse. No excuses. We are going to attempt to pee while holding a purse before we place it anywhere near the ground. Even if this means the straps are hanging from our mouths.

3.) A tissue thin barrier between our rear ends and insanity. We're imagining at least 15 million contractual diseases before our butts hit that naked seat of horrors. It's that or squats from hell.

4.) A little brown paper bag for our monthly messes. We really don't want to flush them (like your little paper sign says) but what else are we supposed to do?

5.) A flush-able toilet. Because men were raised to believe that women use the restroom strictly to powder their noses. Any evidence left otherwise is blasphemy.

Julia Louis Dreyfus as Elaine "The Stall" episode

6.) Toilet paper. We don't want to be that women who has to reach under the stall and ask her neighbor for a scrap of tissue. You know that bitch is going to give you 2 squares.

7.) Get rid of the scale machine! What woman in her right mind enjoys getting on the scale at home. You skinny ones, keep your mouths shut. Why the hell would we pay 25 cents to get on one in a public place. Put that thing in the men's room where they like to weigh themselves before and after a bowel movement.

Gentlemen, the real reason we travel in packs to the bathroom is so we can hold each others purses, pass the toilet paper and "powder our noses".

And that long line ladies, pee and get off the pot. Geesh. 

Love,
Grace